Kandesay: Distant Worlds

This is something very difficult for me to talk about. It’s not a story I ever wanted to tell. I suppose like many girls from the province worlds, when I was young I dreamt of being swept away by a handsome young prince. We’d live in the largest castle on a hill where I’d host dinner parties for the rich and the famous. I would be gracious, admired, tended to by helpers, cherishing every day with the love of my life by my side. In a way it did happen, I guess, except in reality I was the helper when I met my prince. And later I learned that being married into royalty is not the privilege it seems or that we dream about, it’s imprisonment, repression, and anything except a dream.

I am trying to remember how it all started….

*****

I was seven when first summoned to the house of General Miri of Axum. Chosen to serve because I was unpretty, lacked sophistication, and of a slow wit. ‘Thin haired and fat,’ scoffed the governess looking me over, doubtful I could complete my mandatory tasks. But my father’s promise of a diet and a few stripes was enough to secure my employment. If I proved dissatisfying, he said, she was free to toss me aside without regard to my contract.

But General Miri was kind. The governess was reassigned and I grew up under the guardianship of Ronca, sixteen years my senior and aide to the first lady, who sometimes allowed us to receive second-hand items including used books I liked to read. We were too poor for neural-nets but I didn’t mind. I preferred reading the old way. Tales about the Kabori, war-priestesses and champions of planet Allur, were among my favorites. I memorized entire chapters word for word.

The first lady also permitted us to have one day off a month, and the girls and I often met in the park for lunch, laughs, and fun throughout the years. One day, however, I sat to eat alone because all my friends were away at the time or too busy. A well-dressed boy asked to sit beside me. He was tall, gamely looking, but refined as one from the noble houses.

“Hello. May I sit with you?” he asked.

“Of course, my lord. May I assist you in some way?

“No need to be formal. I am not a lord — not yet,” he smiled. “My name is Selusus. May I ask your name?”

“Kandesay.”

“What a nice name. Do you live around here?”

“Thank you, and yes,” I said, head tilted. “Over that way. But I would walk here even if I didn’t. Walking is better than flying a bike or riding.” Of course I didn’t own a bike and I had never flown one. But I wanted him to believe that I could. After all, we were strangers and he hadn’t a clue I was a simple servant. “Are you visiting, my lor –. Sorry. It’s my upbringing.”

He smiled. “No problem. I suppose it is proper. It’s just… I have so much formality in my life. It’s my whole life. I really don’t need it. Sometimes I just want to be normal.”

“You look normal to me,” I teased. We both laughed then he mentioned he was on route to academy in Kamun. We continued talking open and free. And I didn’t expect it, I would guess he didn’t either, but we shared an odd rapport as if we had already met, like a friend of a friend who you knew but failed to recall their name. We were the same age — twelve. We had the same tastes in music, liked the same games and subcasts. I was not permitted to watch video, but he raved about his favorite programs, describing each in a way that I could see them in my mind. Then, he wholly surprised me.

“I wish you could come with me to Kamun,” he gushed.

“I, um… I… I have my family here,” I gulped, feeling shy and unworthy. “We have obligations.”

“It is possible if we agree. My father is an honorable man. He can take care of whatever debts you owe, then you and your family could come with us.”

“And what should I do in Kamun? Be the high-honored friend?” I joked.

“No. Just my friend. Someone to talk to.”

Still smiling, I offered, “So you can feel normal?”

“I do feel normal with you, Kandesay.”

We took a picture together which he shared after I promised to meet again tomorrow. But I knew I couldn’t. Tomorrow was my work day and I wouldn’t be free for another month. Meeting him again was just a wish.

We continued talking for hours. And almost every time he asked something personal, I borrowed from the stories I had read, so much more exciting than my dull servant life. The more fantastical the story the better. By evening he believed I was a prodigy games-master with 10 different aliases, that I had a fortune in encrypted i-coin, and that I had just returned from abroad after touring the famed Axumite sky-cities. And oh yeah, the star famous singer Kero Ro was one of my best friends. His smile was forlorn but inviting. I enjoyed making him laugh as if I had a magic switch. When on, his not-so-hidden sadness went away. And so did mine. The rosy warmth of our sharing was inexplicable at our age, but I know now it’s what adults call love, or puppy love in our case. If he asked me that night to marry, I would have said yes.

*****

The next day I rose early, beaming from the night before. Ronca pinched me and hummed that she wanted a bit of whatever I had. I imagined Selusus was on his way to academy. Kamun was another sector away and I was sure his airship would use every available stargate, unlike others who could only afford the gates required. I wondered if I would ever see him again? I rocked back and forth looking wide-eyed at our picture, then I held it to my cheek. I hoped he was happy wherever he may be.

I skipped into the main quarters, bowed to the governess, and then proceeded upstairs where the normal somber and dim-lit walkways were airy and inviting, like a welcome-back home, we missed you. I began my work, but moments after changing the bedsheets Ronca appeared, abruptly switching off the cleaning automations. She rushed me downstairs where the first lady had assembled the entire staff. To our surprise, a VIP guest was due to arrive and the general had called for a formal reception. After receiving instructions, we scrambled to prepare, casting away our uniforms to don the official dress, burgundy and white as the first lady decreed.

Soon, a large space vessel arrived in the courtyard, the like of which I had never seen before, silver in color, with heavy armaments and what I guessed were multi-purpose fusion reactors that issued an orange glow. We assumed our stations and the guests filed in, sixteen in number. I was tasked with serving breakfast-drinks, refilling, fetching, and cleaning as needed.

The general welcomed a large Terran man introduced as King Sustan of Anya, a key ally of Axum. I knew better than to stare, so I stiffened my back, faced forward, and readied myself to take orders. After a period of talking about things too hard for me to understand, they sat at the long table inside the Great Hall.

“Once again, I am honored to be your host, Lord Sustan,” said the general.

“I appreciate your hospitality,” he responded, “and I wanted to take this opportunity to present my son who is on his way to academy. Pausing for a moment along the way seemed appropriate.”

My throat tightened and I began to pant, my heart racing. Sitting in front of me, within three steps, was Selusus, the boy from the park whom I now knew was the son of King Sustan. He had not yet turned and I hoped he wouldn’t. What would he think of me as a maid? As a servant? I wanted to run away, trip on the stairs, fall, break my ankle or arm as a reason for not serving. But I froze.

Moments later the first lady motioned for me to pour. If I angled myself just right I thought he wouldn’t see me, at least not fully. My charge was one side of the table, and my fellow servant the other. First, water. Refills. Then Panape juice. Another round of refills. One spill to clean up. Refills. Then mixed drinks as the governess directed. I remained pinned to the wall as much as possible. Avoiding all eye contact. And at meal’s end, our dismissal took what felt like a year.

I rushed to the back and convinced a fellow servant that in exchange for her performing my clean-up duties, I would descale the general’s gulla-beasts and wash bathrooms for a week. Worth it because I could remain out of sight. It wasn’t time but I hurried towards the stables anyway, and then –

“Hello Kandesay.” Selusus stood before me, decked in full royal garb with me in my rags.

“You cannot look at me, my lord,” I sniffled, fighting back tears. “I am unworthy for you to look at.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because it’s true!” I wailed, no longer able to hold my embarrassment and shame.

“That is not true,” he said emphatically.

“Not true,” I mocked. “You see me as I am? I’m ashamed. I lied to you… about everything. My whole life. Where I’ve been. The things I’ve done. It’s all a lie.” Broken, my entire body ached and I wanted to die.

“I lied too,” he lamented, surprising me again. “When I said my father was an honorable man?” Our teary eyes met and I saw that he was hurting inside too. “Last month he banished my mother after accusing her of something she didn’t do. He knew she didn’t but he doesn’t care. And now he is sending me away from my home… to academy, just his excuse. I guess he can’t stand to look at me because I remind him of her.”

“No. That cannot be true,” I insisted.

“Everyone lies, Kandesay. Especially adults who lie for the worst of reasons.”

“I am sorry, Selusus. I am sorry for lying.”

“I am sorry too. About relocating your family? It was more of my wish than reality. I should have never promised you something I cannot do.” We smiled and released a mutual sigh. I had my friend back.

“I promise to never lie again,” I vowed. “About anything.”

“Me too. And I… I promise you Kandesay that I will visit here. As much as I can.”

“But your studies?”

“I’m the king’s son. If I need a break, they’ll let me. I… Well, I can petition the general. Now that he and I have met, there’s no reason why I cannot become his initiate for my learning. It will be the perfect ruse.”

“I thought we just agreed to no more lying?” I said with a wide grin.

“No more lying to each other. Ever.”

“Not ever,” I repeated.

Too shy to hug, we shook hands and exchanged giggles until we laughed.

*****

Selusus left that day but we remained in touch by chatting in our favorite games. I was only permitted to play once a week, but we snuck messages back and forth whenever Ronca allowed. Sometimes thrice a week. But after four months went by our communication was less often. The first lady employed a new governess and our work doubled. Likewise, Selusus said he was busy with his studies. A month went by, then two, until almost a year passed without a single chat together. But by then it felt OK. I had our picture together and the forever memory of my first love.

The Story Continues…